nocturnus33: (Default)
Things with hubby are improving, he is giving me more mental space for thesis.
He went to paint our friends appartment, and when he refuses to be paid for it, I picked the check. I am mean. That paid two bills.


I also start reading him alloud while we drive, we used to do that long time ago and then discontinued that for some reason or other. That give us time to relax and talk other topics. In these case we are both filling our gaps in history of Chile (All of us, the children of dictatorship had very poor local history classes).

Yesterday I complete 300 pages of thesis, that could be full of crap. But I'm happy to see that number wrotte on my computer while I work in that document. I know it is childish, number is not quallity but I felt motivated by it.

Little Oedipus started weting his pants and being really whiny. He is not like that. With Elizabeth we decided to forbid the computer two days ago. His mood change inmediatly and no more wet pants!. I will do a little research about the PC effect on little kids.

Just because everybody does it:

List five fictional people -- from television, movies, books, whatever -- that you had a crush on as a child (or early teens). Then post this on your LiveJournal so other people can be assured that you're as weird as they thought.


1. Terry from Candy & Terry )
nocturnus33: (Default)
Today I hide at mum house. Put a thunderstorm CD. Start reading an excruciating text about critical discourse analisys.I work for five hours in a row! (More than I has done for my thesis in a loooong time). The funny thing was that the dull text ended being a very interesting discussion on Foucault, which I love. I'd been carry this book in my bag for months, always avoiding its reading, and picking more interesting, but lest necesarry books.
I will hide in mum house more often, maybe daily(no internet, no kids, no hubby, no nothing, just lovely silence and lots of coffe...paradaise)

WOW

May. 21st, 2004 12:03 am
nocturnus33: (Enlight me)
Megalomania has its merits.
Today I start - at last - the task of data anlysis of the in depth interviews I made last year (Shame on me and my laziness).
I take all the questions that try to research in the idea of State/Religion relationship. And they were cool (in a researcher perspective)....and scary (In a citizen perspective).
This 18 year old boys wants some kind of ecumenic theocracy. I mean, I'm christian but ... theocracy?
They think that chilean State is catholic, and it´s not since 1925. That politicians only are preoccupied by their own interest and only the church (catholic) really cared about common good (spanglish?). The data are taken by penthecosthals and catholics guys. Is a qualitative study, what mean that I cant extrapolated it to all the population.
But if the other 5 categories I need to analyzed is as rich as this one, this thesis will give something to talk about.
Still need to interview some girls.
Wow, Wow, WOw. I have a good thing in my hands. Je,Je.
nocturnus33: (Default)
I´m drained but happy. WAER finish today. Make lots of contacts, a few friends - mostly latinamericans, the warmest -and get everything ready for a four weeks stay at Sao Paulo, now I "only" need to win the scholarship that the goverment has for researchers travels. But it seems that is not that difficult, becuase i have all the things they ask as requirements.
Make me anxious to think of being away the family for 4 weeks, but it could be good for the thesis, I could finally finish it and make good intellectual network. They offer me a post doctorate...I don´t know if I want to go so far. Just thinking in my current thesis makes me sick...but temptation is strong.
Any case, travel will be only in the second term, if and only if I win that scholarship. Who knows?
nocturnus33: (Default)
I know why I'm having nightmares. Is my thesis. I need to finish it this year, and I'm scared. So afraid that I can't do it, that I'm sort of paralyzed, can't sit down and work on it.I'm avoiding working in that research as much as I can. But at the same time I felt terribly guilty about that.
Anxious, guilty, scared; not a good combination at all.
I understand this sound very childish, but this feeling of not being competent is bigger and bigger.
A friend of mine defend his thesis in a private exam, the commission ask him question for three hours! I panic by the mere thought of that. But the State don't pay me a scholarship, just to panic in the last part of the path. Isn't it? I need to broke the avoiding - guilt - panic - avoid chain of events.
Hubbie can't understand me, he, who is always supportive to me, find his limits here, he only see the avoiding work, not the emotions behind it. We both end angry and frustrate when we talked about my thesis.
... Hey First rain of the year!
nocturnus33: (Default)
Well after and internal debate, in wich I loose, I start this journal...another excuse to procastinate.

But curiosly enough, fandom is now an important part of my life, and there are some few people to wich I have become attached by reading theirs fics and entries to the live journal, so why don't give it a try?. (Apart for the imperiously need to finish my thesis this semester).

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